Why do people cheat on people they love? Do you find yourself grappling with this haunting question after being betrayed by your soulmate? It’s tough to understand what factors led the person you planned to spend your life with to infidelity. Here, we will shed light on why individuals cheat on their partners. 

Why Do People Cheat on Someone They Love?

couples therapy

What is the definition of cheating in a relationship? It encompasses a broad and intricate definition. Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula and couples therapist Dr. Eve Kilmer based in Boulder, Colorado, illuminated the diverse reasons why people cheat on the ones they love:

  • difficulties with emotional intimacy
  • seeking something new in relationships
  • lack of empathy
  • desire for reassurance 
  • craving for novelty
  • a will to show one’s status
  • yearning to feel desired
  • age crisis
  • impulsivity
  • substance abuse

Certain personality traits like narcissism and psychopathy can also contribute to infidelity. Relationship dissatisfaction and unhappiness, particularly when emotional needs are unfulfilled, can make individuals more susceptible to seeking connections outside their primary partnership. 

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula say

Dr. Durvasula also highlights that some men may justify their cheating based on evolutionary theories, which propose that men naturally desire multiple partners for reproductive purposes. This argument overlooks the importance of ensuring the well-being and survival of offspring. Cheaters often use diverse justifications to rationalize their actions, despite lacking logical reasoning and coherent explanations.

How to Quickly Find Out If Your Partner Is Cheating on You?

When detecting signs of infidelity in a partner, uncovering sexual infidelity, emotional cheating, micro-cheating, or other types of infidelity can pose a significant challenge. However, several indicators can help you in your pursuit of the truth:

  1. Changes in your partner’s behavior, such as increased secrecy, abrupt alterations in routine, or unexplained absences.
  2. Physical distance, a decline in intimacy, or diminished interest in the relationship.
  3. Online activities, including covert phone use, excessive texting, or sudden password changes.
  4. Overattentiveness to their smartphone and undesire to share it with you.
  5. Persistently working late hours.

If you notice one or a few of the above-listed signs, start open and honest communication with your partner, expressing your concerns calmly and respectfully, allowing them to explain themselves. Consider utilizing specialized apps to catch a cheater that will provide further clarity and insight. Be patient, and never start your dialogue with criticism. Remember, slow and steady wins the race.

Cheating Statistics: Which Gender Cheats More Often?

According to research conducted by the Institute for Family Studies, it is observed that there is a higher incidence of infidelity among men compared to women. Cheating statistics show that approximately 20% of married men and 13% of married women between the ages of 35-64 have admitted to cheating on their spouses. 

relationship statistics, cheating and infidelity

The difference in cheating spouse behavior between genders can be attributed to various factors. One possible explanation is that men may have more opportunities for extramarital affairs due to their tendency to work outside the home, frequently exposing them to potential partners.

Studies indicate that infidelity is more likely to occur in relationships with lower satisfaction levels. This suggests that dissatisfaction within a partnership can contribute to the likelihood of cheating, regardless of gender.

Unveiling the Mystery: 10 Key Factors for Infidelity in Loving Couples 

You may ask whether it is normal when people cheat on someone they love and what makes them do it. Believe it or not, people can cheat for different reasons. Let’s delve into the most popular ones.

1. Lack of Novelty or Relationship Boredom

Lack of novelty or boredom in a relationship is one of the factors that may lead to infidelity.  When the spark fades and routine sets in, some individuals may be broken and seek novelty and excitement on the side to feel desired. Couples need to recognize the importance of keeping their relationship dynamic and engaging. By actively nurturing the connection, injecting spontaneity, and finding new ways to reignite the flame, couples can reduce the likelihood of cheating and foster a fulfilling and satisfying relationship.

2. Seeking Validation and Self-Esteem Surge

Seeking validation and a surge in self-esteem can sometimes be driving factors that lead to relationship betrayal. When people feel a lack of appreciation or recognition within their current partnership, they may seek validation and admiration from someone outside the relationship. The excitement and attention from a new affair can boost self-esteem and temporarily fill emotional voids. The desire to feel wanted and valued can lead them to infidelity as they give way to the allure of newfound validation.

3. Unmasking the Triad of Unworthiness, Neglect, and Love’s Absence

Feeling unloved or neglected by one’s partner can significantly contribute to infidelity. In the busyness of life, it’s easy to overlook the needs of our loved ones, including our significant other. Failing to celebrate their successes or lacking empathy toward their struggles can gradually strain the relationship.

To prevent such issues, it is crucial to prioritize regular check-ins with your partner. Taking the time to connect and understand each other’s feelings and needs daily can make a remarkable difference in fostering a loving and committed relationship. By actively showing care, support, and appreciation, couples can strengthen their bond and reduce the risk of infidelity. 

4. Unresolved Conflicts and Communication Breakdowns

When conflicts persist without resolution and communication deteriorates, it cultivates emotional distance and breeds resentment. This environment can leave one or both partners feeling ignored, neglected, or isolated. In such situations, individuals are more inclined to seek emotional or physical intimacy outside the relationship, attempting to fulfill the void and seek validation or understanding that they believe is absent within their partnership.

5. Exploring Unfulfilled Desires and Sexual Dissatisfaction

For strong and healthy relationships, regular physical intimacy plays a key role. However, when sexual needs remain unsatisfied or dissatisfaction persists in the bedroom, it may be tempting to seek satisfaction elsewhere. 

It is crucial for both men and women to actively address and meet their partner’s sexual needs to maintain a healthy relationship. If a partner consistently avoids initiating intimacy or rejects advances, one might be driven to seek fulfillment elsewhere. Accepting spontaneity and openly discussing any inconsistencies in sexual needs can lead to a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life, reducing the likelihood of finding fulfillment outside of the relationship.

6. Jealousy or Insecurity in Relationships

Healthy relationships mean partners appreciate each other’s success, achievements, intelligence, and attractiveness. When one of the partners starts comparing themselves to their beloved, it breeds jealousy. Most people who envy their partner might seek validation from someone who recognizes their achievements and positive attributes. If you want your relationships to be strong, you should focus on support rather than competition.

7. Extended Periods of Separation or Alienation

Whether due to work-related travel or pursuing individual hobbies, being apart for extended periods can lead to feelings of neglect. The neglected individual may seek companionship elsewhere, potentially becoming a full-blown affair. Long-distance relationship requires heightened effort, emphasizing communication, caring gestures, and dedicated time together. This may include reevaluating trips or activities that lead to separation to prioritize quality time with a partner.

8. Unveiling the Intricate Bond Between Alcohol and Infidelity

The influence of alcohol and impaired judgment are the other factors of infidelity. Taking alcohol can influence a person’s decision-making abilities and increase impulsive behavior. Under emotions, people frequently make mistakes. When alcohol is combined with other reasons for cheating, it becomes dangerous, weakening one’s responsibility and making people more susceptible to engaging in damaging behavior they would otherwise avoid.

9. Revealing Deep-Seated Attachment or Commitment Issues

Deep-seated attachment or commitment issues can contribute to infidelity as individuals may struggle to invest emotionally in a relationship fully. These issues may stem from past experiences, fear of vulnerability, or difficulty forming secure attachments. Fear of intimacy or commitment can lead people to seek emotional or physical connections outside the main relationship to avoid a committed partnership’s deeper emotional connection and potential vulnerability.

10. Constant Feeling of Inadequacy and the Need for More

Constant inadequacy and the insatiable need for more can drive individuals to infidelity. The perception of not being enough for their partner or in life creates a void that they believe can be filled through another relationship. However, affairs rarely provide the sense of completeness they seek. Research suggests that practicing gratitude by writing a daily gratitude list can combat feelings of inadequacy, shifting the focus towards appreciating what one has rather than dwelling on perceived deficiencies.

How to Recover After Relationship Betrayal?

Recover After Relationship Betrayal

Recovering from betrayal after a cheating husband or cheating wife undermines your relationship is possible, but it requires effort and a willingness to heal. It’s crucial to separate yourself from the situation and avoid letting jealousy consume you. Seeking therapy or professional advice can be beneficial, as can talking to a trusted friend or family member. Keeping yourself occupied with activities that bring you joy and focusing on self-esteem can aid healing. It’s important to be kind to yourself and avoid self-judgment and criticism, giving yourself time and space for recovery from infidelity. Additionally, exploring new ways to meet your emotional, social, spiritual, and physical needs can help you rebuild trust after cheating


What is the reason for long-lasting affairs? 💦

Some affairs, especially those enforced by sweet memories, are hard to break. Emotional connection, shared experiences, and secrecy are the other reasons that strengthen hidden relationships. 

How does a cheater react to the accusations? 🐻

When faced with accusations, cheaters often respond with anger and aggression, aiming to redirect the attention to the accuser and raise doubts about their trust in the relationship. If you notice signs of a cheating spouse and suspect that your partner might be into an affair, but they react this way, there may be a reason to worry.

When does infidelity lead to divorce? 💁

Separation after infidelity can happen if trust is broken, communication breaks down, emotional wounds go unhealed, forgiveness is difficult, and attempts to rebuild the relationship fail. Each situation is different, and deciding to dissolve a marriage depends on individual circumstances.

Is infidelity always the result of a bad primary relationship? 🕵️‍♀️

No. Infidelity can serve as a means for individuals to explore suppressed aspects of themselves or cope with self-esteem issues. The reasons for cheating can be complex and depend on individual circumstances, relationship dynamics, personal needs, and emotional vulnerabilities.

What is the psychological impact of infidelity on individuals? 👌

The psychological impacts of infidelity on individuals often include:
> Lowered self-esteem
> Heightened vulnerability to mental health issues
> Feelings of guilt
> Increased risk of depression
Both victims and cheaters may experience these feelings as a result of infidelity.

Is it a good idea to confront a cheater? 💡

Although there are different types of cheating in a relationship, confronting a cheater in a relationship is often worth it. While it can be challenging, open and direct communication with your partner is crucial in addressing the issue and dealing with the emotional pain and crisis caused by cheating. Even if your husband cheated but doesn’t want divorce and you want to save your marriage, you may turn to couples therapy for infidelity to rebuild trust in your relationship.

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