Our lives are tumultuous enough as they are, and many opt to tie the knot when they feel the need for that soothing predictability. Marriage solves the uncertainty problem – at least partially, but lays the foundation for the disruptive sense of tedium.
Unless a relationship is maintained properly by both spouses, it becomes a ticking bomb, and you can start the countdown until the signs your husband has a crush on another woman show up. We have compiled a comprehensive list of such behaviors you don’t want to miss until it’s too late.
1. Someone Found His Active Tinder Account
Unless you happen to be in a so-called ‘open’ type relationship, Tinder, along with other dating apps, is a glaring red flag that hints not only at potential future cheating but at past affairs as well. There’s simply no way to downplay this factor’s significance, no matter how hard they may try to convince you it was ‘only to talk to someone new’.
2. He Shows Charm When She Is Around
Your husband’s charisma he used to win over you can remain dormant forever after the wedding day – or until you notice the first signs he has feelings for another woman. Rusty as that charm may be from the years of disuse, you will quickly notice your man acting strangely similar to the blessed days when your future together wasn’t set in stone.
3. He Texts or Calls Her All the Time
Uneven distribution of attention, the mother of all jealousies, can play many dirty tricks with your self-esteem, and there’s not a single reason you must put up with that. It’s not like you can expect him to cease all contact with her at your pleading – we all have our forbidden fruit to take care of – but if you’ve come to the point where an ultimatum wouldn’t feel out of place, then act.
4. He Acts Differently Around Her
If you wanted a dead giveaway, this is one – a man who’s married but in love with someone else, when interacting with that person, will change his posture, gait, gestures, mannerisms, voice timbre, vocabulary, and a dozen other details, often unknowingly. It can look grotesquely comical to everyone around – maybe even you, were it not for the marital status that happens to connect you two.
5. Your Gut Tells You He’s Hiding Something
The gut feeling may not be the best advisor when it comes to a game of poker. Still, it usually serves well in human interactions – especially those involving your closest circle. Unless you are a medically certified paranoiac, your hunch is based on the tiny details that slip past your conscience but still get picked up by the five senses (a tiny smudge of lipstick on his collar) so that the brain can make sense of it later.
6. His Actions Speak Louder Than Words
You’ll seriously need to consider dropping that ‘my man just has a big mouth, I’m used to it’ attitude if you ever hope to catch a cheater. No matter how used you are to his promising you castles in the air if you’ve found some other alarming signals, the time has come to talk more about brick and mortar and less about empyrean architecture.
7. He Plays School Games
Falling in love at any age activates an unparalleled hormone surge that can reduce a reasonably acting adult to an awkward teen. It thus serves as solid, if tangential, evidence that it’s not exactly a midlife crisis your husband is going through. You may, of course, enjoy his newly-found playfulness all you want, but don’t forget to cast a penetrating gaze into the surrounding shadows.
8. He Looks for Commonalities with Her
‘It’s just us two against the world!’ – remember that? Hands down, it is the best feeling in an emerging romance that takes its roots in the mutually successful examination of similarities. When a married man falls in love with another woman, he may conceal it masterfully, but the shades of meaning and undertones he’ll use for a passing comment on how ‘she handled it just like I would’ will render his tricks impotent.
9. He’s Keeping an Eye on the Woman’s Personal Life
Men are not particularly known for their affinity with gossip – if your special one belongs to the majority in this respect and suddenly gets awfully engrossed in some dame’s private liaisons, prick up your ears if you didn’t do that already. It can all be just boredom in the end, but some inconspicuous verbal probing in that direction wouldn’t hurt either.
10. He Is Overly Complimentary Toward Her
Flirting is another aspect of romance that remains uncharted territory for many a man. When they do venture into the lands of innuendos and figurative talk, it’s often comedy gold (there’s a scientific reason for that). Your married man in love with someone else will not only employ the strategies that proved effective for his younger self – he may even compliment that bimbo with the very same phrases he used on you (ouch!).
11. He Wants to Be There for Her
‘She probably won’t deal with that project alone, I must stay overtime and help’ – that’s so cute, isn’t it? The question, ‘When was the last time you went that extra mile to help your loving spouse?’ is conveniently omitted here. If you’re mentally prepared for a competition – this is just the time to make your claim.
12. He Buys Her Gifts
A typical unhappily married man in love with another woman will be egregiously generous when it comes to presents (we shall study the implications further down the list). It’s a curious guilt complex – he may genuinely wish you were a recipient, but sadly you don’t float his boat like you used to – enjoy your annual spa certificate…
13. He Takes an Interest in Her Plans for the Future
…and it somehow becomes relevant to your day-to-day convos. When pressed upon the matter, your husband will bend over backward (maybe even sweat a little) trying to rationalize his curiosity – you may show some mercy for the time being, but make it clear this talk kinda makes you wonder all of a sudden how your college crush is doing (don’t overdo it!).
14. He Finds Ways to Be with Her
One of the signs of a married man in love with another woman is his almost mystical ability to rearrange the most hectic schedule on the fly and defy the laws of physics by showing up in several places at once – all to wriggle out that extra minute with her from the hands of fate. Once, this is a coincidence, twice – a system.
15. He Lives a Double Life
Real-life cheating men can give James Bond a run for his money with the arsenal of tools they resort to. These include, but aren’t limited to: a second phone (the ‘business’ phone), a secret bank account, a rented flat in another district, a network of friends for alibis, and cover-ups. Note how a cheating license isn’t on the list – and give him no quarter if you discover one of the rest.
16. He Doesn’t Care How You Are Doing
Again, men and talkativeness don’t go together well, but you two have probably worked out a system of signals to communicate your mood and emotions to each other – maybe even a secret love language. As a cheating spouse would be too busy doing the same thing from scratch with his paramour, you’ll notice some of those familiar tokens vanishing.
17. He Uses Arguments As an Excuse to Get Away and Meet His New Sweetheart
‘It’s not about me, it’s about you!’ – cue the sound of a slammed door and footsteps rapidly growing distant. Now he has his coveted freedom, and you have all the time in the world to guess whether it’s the pub at the corner or that new colleague he is now speeding towards. The clue is his growing inventiveness – liars always spoil the dish with too many details.
18. He Is Too Busy for Family Events and Meetings with Friends
Aunt Sheila probably won’t mind your husband being absent from her 70th anniversary, and neither should you unless there was an explicit agreement he thus broke. A truly alarming signal that may hint at infidelity is when you catch the word of his playing truant from friendly get-togethers as well – an unobtrusive survey is due in this case.
19. He Hides His Schedule from You
It’s not like he’d put his diary into a strongbox every night – by hiding we also mean vague details, contrived explanations, seemingly random changes of plans, and the like. A simple question of whether he’ll be able to help you with shopping tomorrow at 6 can procure you a Shakespearean monologue in three acts instead of a standard monosyllabic answer. Liars love details, remember?
20. There Are Black Holes in His Budget
Just like the black holes looming in the deepest corners of space, the financial black hole resulting from cheating in a relationship has unknown origins and even more enigmatic properties. Usually, affair-caused black holes are discovered beyond the point of no return, and some husbands even have the nerve to solicit your aid.
21. His Respect for You Leaves a Lot to Be Desired
A happily married man in love with another woman will probably have ample reserves of courtesy enough to keep you both taken care of, but often it’s not the case. As his emotional focus shifts towards the mistress, the same will happen to his general attitude and levels of tolerance to your quirks – get ready to think ‘what a jerk!’ far more often.
22. He Tries to Be Her Hero
Modernity leaves little place for chivalry, but his ancestral memory, accumulated over centuries, still calls for an outlet occasionally. Chivalry, in essence, is the art of making oneself feel good by not sacrificing too much in the process, so stay on the alert for the telltale broad gestures towards her that are clearly intended to ramp up that ‘gentleman points’ count.
23. He Never Looks You in the Eye
As much as men would want to ignore it, body language is a thing that tells a books’ worth of stories. Reluctance to establish eye contact is caused by numerous factors – when a married man falls in love with you, it’s often shyness or flirtiness, but if it’s your husband that supposedly broke the oath, the reasons could be shame and guilt. Just take note of the fact and keep digging for other clues.
24. His Delays at Work Have Become Commonplace
The crunch time he told you about has long become a thing of yore, but the extra hours just won’t go away due to some preposterous reasons that ‘are boring and technical, you won’t understand’? My, look at the clumsy cheater you’ve got on your hands! In all honesty, it had better be cheating rather than, say, gambling addiction – the latter doesn’t have as many tried and tested remedies.
25. He’s Always on Social Media Like He’s Following Someone
A person of just about any age can get hooked on socials – there are centenarians with quite a following on TikTok or Snapchat, for goodness gracious. However, you shouldn’t mistake long scrolling sessions born of tedium for sporadic, frequent check-ups – this is what being infatuated by someone in the digital era looks like, so try to get yourself an over-the-shoulder sneak peek.
How Do You Check If Your Husband Is Cheating on You?
The arms race between cheaters and the cheated has not yet put any of the sides at an advantage, so it’s more about how you’re using the means at hand, not what those are. These are the methods that are universally efficient:
Use the Spy App on His Phone
The spyware you’ll find these days is terrifyingly powerful and will let you chew through your husband’s secrets like it’s nothing. The only problem inherent in all such apps is that you need to plant them into the target phone somehow – but it pays off a hundredfold.
Track His Movements Throughout the Day
The aforementioned apps are unsurpassed when it comes to sniffing out your husband’s location via GPS, which can be done in real time and sounds far more convenient than following him around or hiring someone for that.
Read His Social Media Correspondence
If you find yourself thinking, ‘I need to find more signs my husband wants another woman’ more than once in eternity, this means you’re mentally prepared to trespass on his personal space, so go for that Pandora’s box, but be warned you may hate yourself for doing that regardless of findings.
What Should You Do If Your Fears Are Confirmed?
Before confronting the cheater, take the time to examine your feelings and explain to yourself what it is that you want. Leave the jokes at the door as you’re about to decide your fate. In the conversation, act in your interest – you are the victim and hold high moral ground here.
Let’s take care of the questions we received in response to our previous articles: