Being a Serial Cheater: Signals & Other Insights
It’s hard to argue with the fact that the side that’s been cheated on is probably having one of the most traumatic experiences in their life.
While you may think of forgiving, there are things you should consider if you’re dealing with serial cheaters.
How Do You Identify a Serial Cheater in a Relationship?
Speaking about serial cheaters, there’s a pattern of certain behavior observed – they cheat knowing that they are in an exclusive relationship, lie that this is the only time, and cheat again. Of course, prior to the very fact of infidelity, there are accompanying signs that are not so easy to distinguish at first. This comes with experience, so if you don’t want to waste time before you find out that your wife or husband is a serial cheater in a distressing way, stay tuned for giveaway cheater signals.
Is Serial Cheating an Addiction?
Serial cheating is not just a newfangled expression – this disorder has become the subject of research by scientists. For example, Dr. Kayla Knopp of the University of Denver, along with her colleagues, has researched that there is a 3x chance of cheating again in an affected relationship. These statistics are unlikely to improve unless the cheater admits the problem and voluntarily begins to follow the path of recovery.
6 Reasons Why People Become Chronic Cheaters
To not portray cheaters as complete villains, it is fair to say that the situations they find themselves in sometimes are interlinked with their mental health. To better understand what exactly drives your serial cheater acquaintance or spouse to take the risk, you will need the advice of professionals in the field of psychology since the root of the problem might be hidden somewhere in this domain.
It is difficult to say that people with psychological disorders are having a ball. Moreover, they are often unfairly stigmatized because of their disorders. You can count here:
- narcissist serial cheater disorder
- serial cheater personality disorder
Well, these are clearly not the diagnoses that you can make yourself, and it’s better not to throw such terms around just like that. However, according to infidelity statistics, up to 12% of married people with mental disorders tend to engage in infidelity-related activities online. Someone will say that these people are simply wired wrong and that they are better left for good; others believe that there are prospects for change in them.
Unquenchable Sexual Desire
Sexual addiction is one of the common causes cited by cheaters, but what does that mean? In other words, finding new sexual partners becomes a kind of drug for the serial cheater woman or man, and they are not able to stop even having a partner who satisfies all their desires. This need is more dictated by compulsion, psychological deviations, and the need for self-gratification and ego nourishment rather than the presence of physical dissatisfaction.
Lack of True Love
The lack of love at any age, even as an adult, can drastically change a person or release traits that they have carefully hidden. Someone can become a serial cheater in marriage if they don’t see the point in being loyal to someone who doesn’t try to give them the love and attention they need.
Visiting a beautiful place on a business trip, accompanied by a charming colleague, or meeting a mysterious stranger there, being far away from family conflicts – no wonder serial cheaters feel like the stars aligned. There’s always that first time for “it just happened,” but can you be sure that an even more convenient situation won’t arise one day?
Psychological Trauma in Early Relationships
People who have gone through the trauma of cheating tend to pay the offender back in the same coin. Unfortunately, such an experience can negatively signify on their psyche anyway, including future relationships; therefore, it is better to go through serial cheater recovery and get rid of mental pain and the baseless suspicions associated with this before starting a relationship with a new person.
Active Use of Social Media
Social networks are a beast in sheep’s clothing, and they can push a person to rash romantic contacts and actions. Of course, not everyone takes things that far, but for serial cheaters and liars, this is a real opportunity. Feeling no supervision and being aware of the minimum chances of being held accountable, the online cheater starts small, but the end of the story is perhaps not known even to them and is unlikely to please their partner, who is still okay with online flirting.
Signs of a Serial Cheater
Long story short, look out for signs to recognize the serial cheater profile as early as possible and, if possible – and desired – get off the hook as early as possible.
They Talk Negatively About All Their Former Partners
If a couple breaks up, this can cause some unpleasant emotions or memories in a person. However, decent people can close that door with dignity and will not gladly vilify their exes. A red flag if, according to them, their exes were always to blame.
They Say Hello to Someone or Look at Someone Else All the Time
As mentioned earlier, for cheaters, new contacts are like a breath of air, and they are always on the lookout. You can catch a cheater when they stare at someone without knowing that you are looking at them. You may feel that you are not enough, because in every situation when they have the opportunity to get to know a nice man or woman better, they will not miss it.
They Talk About Cheating As If There Is Nothing Wrong with It
This may be their approach to normalize infidelity to some extent and quite possibly prepare you for the revelation of their love affairs. In any case, if such conversations begin to appear out of the blue, this has a reason, so do not ignore this sign.
They Are Very Compulsive
The compulsiveness that can be traced in everything they do has every chance of doing its part in matters of serial cheater psychology. Stepping on the slippery slope looks like an adventure for them, and they can whitewash the immoral side of adultery, that’s for sure.
They Keep Their Phone or Laptop Under Seven Passwords
It doesn’t take long days of monitoring to see that whatever partner’s device you have in your hands causes them instant anxiety and, subsequently, their phone, laptop, etc. become inaccessible to you. They may cite the new passwords as security concerns, but your 100% sense that they are going too far with this and are hiding something from you cannot be deceived.
They Are Prone to Flirting and Sexting
Over the course of your relationship, you may have seen romantic messages on their phone or could track the cheater’s phone and spot dating apps. Now there are many ways to hide the content of chats on the screen or even see the presence of messages only after unlocking the device (see the previous paragraph). One way or another, excessive secrecy and/or the complete absence of calls and messages on their gadget looks suspicious.
They Are Adrenaline Junkies
The feeling of novelty, thrill and even the risk of being caught looks incredibly attractive to some psycho types. Don’t try to figure it out; just find out how long all their previous relationships have been and keep a close eye on how involved your possibly cheating partner is in your relationship.
They Manipulate People Easily
Your attentive eyes can do you a favor – observe how your loved one behaves during telephone conversations, in public places and how they get their way in general. You can be sure that manipulators will not divide victims into friends and foes, so beware if you have a strange feeling that everything is usually not going as you want it to be.
They Are Constantly Busy and Unavailable
Many modern people are married to their jobs, but a large percentage also use their busy lifestyle as a scapegoat for serial cheater activities. After all, humanity has also invented smartphones and other means of communication to stay connected throughout the day. If you have not been able to get through to them several times and their frequent absence from home has become the norm, it makes sense to look deeper into what is happening.
They Are the Best at Making Excuses
A somewhat erratic behavior when it comes to joint plans can also indicate that your partner needs to balance making time for their other love interests as well. They seem to toss the words around like they don’t matter and their attention is elsewhere.
They Are Incapable of Being Alone
Sadly, there is a category of people who prefer to stick with you for a while before finding a more suitable partner or love of their life. A lack of interest in building plans for the future gives them away; also, they are annoyed by talking about commitment, and they do not really value your opinion.
They Fear Commitment
There can be many reasons why a person would rather choose the role of a serial cheater husband or wife, than become fully committed to them. The reasons lie in their past relationship failures, personal insecurities, and so on. Thus, they may be the first to strike – although only making it worse.
They Have No Empathy or Remorse for Any Issue
Serial cheaters are firmly convinced that any decision they make has a strong substantiation and they are always right. Here, sociopathic tendencies can also be traced with regards to other people, such as insincerity, lack of empathy, and inability to admit their guilt.
They’re Obsessed with Their Appearance
There is nothing wrong with a person taking care of their appearance. What can cause some grounded doubts is a sharp desire to improve their appearance and some kind of rush as if they think, “This is not meant for you, I want the new chick from my office to pay attention to me.”
They’re Always Looking for a Thrill
Every relationship differs from the previous ones, and some people just can’t sit in one place for a long time knowing about it – they want to experience all the emotions, feel the excitement of first dates again, and so on. For most, this tendency fades with age, but if you have an adult serial cheater wife or husband craving for constant thrill elsewhere, you better run.
They Are Incredibly Selfish and Self-Absorbed
Constantly putting desires over the needs and emotions of a loved one is a bad signal. Perhaps their upbringing is to blame, which helped to nurture selfish traits, or they didn’t have a good example of mutual support. Anyway, if your partner does not try to learn to be a more responsive person but acts in exactly the opposite way, it is not surprising that they will need other admirers to help them assert themselves.
They Have an Obvious Sexual Addiction
Unlike their “lighter version” – serial emotional cheater – physical intimacy is important for people with sexual addiction. Addiction implies frequent meetings and short pauses between them, for which, accordingly, the cheater will need to find the time. After a certain period of enjoying it, sex addicts can be overtaken by a deep depression due to shame. One partner is not enough for them to satisfy their frequent sexual urge.
Why Do Serial Cheaters Want to Stay in a Relationship?
Well, the truth is a bitter pill to swallow, and therefore, although you need to treat your loved ones without prejudice, you should carefully monitor the alarming signs cited above. Not all people will treat you the way you treat them – even if you are married to a serial cheater and think you know them very well.
Cheaters will rarely show you their true colors right away. Moreover, they are even interested in having a real relationship, as this adds more opportunities to manipulate people who love them and get those emotions they lack – toxicity as it is, no more, no less. In addition, they are not that dumb and understand that in order to achieve success in certain spheres and feel comfortable in society, they need stability to some extent.
FAQ About Serial Cheaters
Hope dies last, so we’ll always be asking questions trying to get along with a cheating spouse – it won’t be easy, but you can’t give up as every case is different.
If your partner turns out to be a serial cheater, it could dramatically affect your relationship.