Having to deal with a cheater can really throw you off balance and undermine your belief in a trusting and faithful relationship. But the soft spot of cheaters is that they repeat the same mistakes, even when it comes to different people. So, find out what is this one thing all cheaters have in common and stop falling for the wrong person over and over again.
Psychology Behind Cheating and Lying
According to cheating statistics in the U.S., a quarter of married men and about 15% of married women are reported to be having sexual encounters outside their marriage. Does this mean that they are all chronic cheaters? Not really. It’s more about the peculiarities of human psychology as such – we are capable of doing unpredictable things when the opportunity presents itself.
Another important building block in deciding on infidelity can be the certainty that this act will forever remain a secret. The regret about what they have done usually comes with time and can turn out to be a heavy burden to carry, especially in view of the fact that people in a relationship don’t really go down the path of adultery all that often because of a lack or dissatisfaction with sexual desires. Often this is just emotional cheating that turns into a physical one, and the unfaithful partner does not want to end their main relationship at all.
What Do All Cheaters Have in Common
Many are wondering what all cheaters have in common – get ready, it will not do with just one feature.
Cheaters Use Similar Phrases
When asked directly, cheaters may react differently. They understand that it’s not easy for you to keep a cool head, so the usual response to your unsubstantiated accusations is, “Baby, you’re just winding yourself up.” Some react defensively to being called out and may even play the victim card, claiming they are the ones not seeing their partner’s trust – “You have to trust me.” Finally, serial cheaters find nothing better than to say, “It was just sex, I still love you,” or start blaming the partner by saying, “I did it because you were distant,” and so on.
They Feel Misunderstood
The golden rule of a healthy relationship is that it takes effort from both parties to keep the wheel turning. Although this is already the last resort of the cheater, partners need to be attentive to the issues their loved one raises and not ignore the problems, believing that they will go into thin air.
Increased Impulsiveness
This is perhaps the most eloquent one thing cheaters all have in common. This trait should alert you not only in matters of cheating – it is oftentimes difficult to rely on impulsive people, and their partners have to completely adapt to their dynamics. Such people are strongly guided by their feelings and momentary impulses, which can negatively affect their ability to control themselves and push them to selfishly follow their desires.
Demonstrated Self-Centeredness
Be aware of people who constantly want to be in the spotlight. Narcissism is one of the most common characteristics of a cheating man and woman both, which by default leads them to believe that if they feel something is missing in their relationship, there is nothing wrong with getting it on the side. A clear sign of such narcissists is their lack of empathy for you – however, they are not shy to demand too much without giving anything in return.
Low Moral Values
It is not worth hoping that a person who does not have the innate or instilled basic qualities of a decent person will have a special attitude toward issues of loyalty. These are red flags for you if your partner demonstrates a lack of conventional wisdom, such as:
- being honest with family and strangers
- keeping their word
- being respectful to people regardless of gender, race, etc.
- having the courage to admit a mistake
- being kind and able to solve problems without anger
Lack of Self-Control
It can sometimes be hard to admit, let alone start to make progress in the right direction, when it comes to things that are not easy to control – some of the propensities can be passed on to a person hereditary, and some develop from laziness. An adult who wants to build strong relationships must be able to recognize unambiguous situations and not fall prey to certain temptations in life.
Masters of Justification
Sometimes the mindset of a cheating man works in unexpected ways – not everyone will keep their guard to the last. For some, this may not be their first cheating experience, and to save themselves the headache, they openly admit to being unfaithful – claiming it was TOTALLY reasonable. Since you’re at fault, it means they had a right to do it. Some go as far as to quote problems they never even mentioned to you – so try to stay away from such “victims” as they are not interested in changing your relationship but in your acceptance of their adulterous behavior!
They Feel Unlovable
People come with all sorts of backgrounds and traumas, and that’s why it’s not uncommon to meet people who find it difficult to be faithful because they consider themselves unworthy of love and happiness or they simply lack an understanding of how to express their love for you.
You can find cheating partner constantly chatting with someone online or enjoying flirting with other people because they don’t realize how much they hurt you. In this case, with mutual desire, it may be necessary to work with a psychologist and develop a sense of security in your relationship.
Their Lies Are Indistinguishable from the Truth
Those who have encountered cheaters know very well that their most well-developed muscle is their tongue, and they have that outstanding skill of telling tall tales. They will find a million ways to make you not so sure of your suspicions, and even though deep down you feel that you have been skillfully lied to, you want to believe them.
Sometimes the only way to bring such partners out into the open is to get clear evidence, for example, by using apps to catch a cheater, even though they’ll probably try to pump their skill by lying to your eyes without a twinge of conscience.
Low Self-Esteem
Not only narcissists strive to be the center of attention and the object of adoration of several people at once, but also deeply insecure people. Cheaters’ behavior patterns are often dictated by a sense of fear – for instance, their dismissal in favor of another person, being left alone – and a strong desire to feel needed. A cheater with self-doubt needs to get this validation from several people in order to feel fulfilled.
They Are Secretive
One of the most obvious characteristics of a cheating woman or man is their secretiveness. They make you feel like you are in a fairy tale, but your partner’s reluctance to appear on social media with you or introduce you to friends or, God forbid, the family should raise a huge red flag for you. You may be surprised how adept some are at leading a double life. The same applies to their gadgets – their passwords are a mystery behind seven seals. Well, you feel me.
So, Dishonesty – One Thing Cheaters All Have in Common
One way or another, what all cheaters have in common is their lack of honesty, sometimes not only with their partners but also with themselves. While going through the experience of infidelity is very painful, many people choose the path of forgiveness and work on their mistakes to restore faith where possible. In this case, both partners need to be ready for difficult times, where one party needs to show support despite everything done to them in the past, and the other to truly appreciate that and try to change their behavior patterns.
Final Thought: Do Cheaters Always Cheat?
While looking at the psychology behind cheating and lying, one can assume that any person will be involved in adultery under certain circumstances, yet most partners remain true to the promises made. In truth, most people allow certain scenarios into their fantasies that they will never dare to bring to life. Or, it would be more correct to say, choose not to bring to life. The ability to control oneself is not at all burdensome for common people, while cheaters’ flaws can be manifested in the simplest things.