Psychological and Mental Problems in Infidelity

BPD and Cheating

BPD stands for Borderline Personality Disorder. This does not necessarily mean that a person will cheat on their spouse. However, it does increase the vulnerability toward infidelity.

Many people also use their Borderline condition as a trump card to justify their betrayal behavior, which is unacceptable. Associating BPD and infidelity is the wrong approach.

More than 40 % of the affected people are caught up in infidelity.

Such partners also have to assume responsibility for their betrayal, which they often do not want to. But there are instances when they succumb to their prevailing mental condition and get prone to indulge in someone else. In such cases, the partner must connect with a good therapist and try to help their BPD partners. The sessions can help you to understand the BPD psychology of cheating.

How to Spot a Borderline Man/Woman?

Recognize Borderline Personality Disorder in your girlfriend

1.6% of the general population and almost 20% of the psychiatric population are affected by Borderline Personality Disorder.

Here are the distinguishing features of a borderline man/woman:

  • Patterns of varying mood and behavior
  • Involving in reckless sexual experiences
  • Episodes of anger and anxiety
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Impulsive behavior, including substance abuse, reckless driving
  • Hypersexuality
  • Irrational fears

How Do People with Borderline Personality Disorder Deal with Cheating in Relationships?

Borderline people are extremely impulsive, and you can hardly expect steady behavior in them. This exposes their partners to an immense wave of consistent anxiety and mental pressure. Borderline personalities will constantly lie to their partners and can also become prone to cheat their partners.

BPD Cheating Signs

Borderline cheating is widespread. But it is extremely painful for the partner to endure such behavior.

Here are the most prominent BPD cheating signs:

  • Extreme highs and lows in behaviors. When they are in a good mood, it shall be a love bomb for their girlfriends or boyfriends, whereas when they are angry, it will be a worse condition.
  • Risky behavior and inability to focus on anything for a long time
  • They are mainly overridden by mania (Bipolar 1 and Bipolar) episodes
  • If they suffer from a cyclothymic disorder, there is a severe depressive phase.
  • They are hypersexual
  • They suspect their spouses of betraying. They do not trust even their close ones
  • They shall constantly lie – knowingly or unconsciously.

How to Help a Relationship with a BPD Partner

Being with such a person can strain the relationship greatly and cause stress, anxiety, and extreme worry in both partners. The real help lies in understanding their behaviors, and at times, one can also think about opting for some external interventions to help them deal with the crisis.

How to help the relationship with the BPD

Constantly Talking and Discussing Everything with Your Partner

Such people are always nervous and conscious of what they do. Since they already know they are different from others, they become introverts and try to distance themselves. To keep them motivated and engaged, it is important to communicate with them constantly.

Recognize All Symptoms and Signs of Cheating BPD

BPD people are prone to cheating. This may be intentional or unintentional. But as partners of BPD people, it is essential to recognize and check all the signs and symptoms of cheating that they exhibit. This helps to easily identify the problems and sort them out earlier.

Install a Spy App on Your Partner’s Phone

If your partner features borderline personality, you may consider installing a spy app on their phone to monitor their activities and whether they are cheating on you with someone else. With the help of spy apps, you can have a look at their call lists, read their messages, and even check their browser history. So, you shall know what they are up to.

Find a Good Specialist and Do Couples Counseling

This disorder is ultimately a psychological problem that must be treated professionally. Only experts can help. If you have identified your partner as a borderline personality by recognizing their signs and symptoms, then it is quite important to connect with a reputed specialist at the earliest.

Final Thoughts on Whether a Person with BPD Can Control Their Infidelity Tendency

How to build a relationship with a person with borderline personality disorder

No validated scientific report or study confirms the consistent correlation between borderline personality disorder and infidelity. However, it is a prevailing notion to associate BPD and cheating because such people are often not in control of what they do and how they react. So, it is easy for them to lose self-control and indulge with someone else. If your partner has issues with BPD, the first step would be to observe and be attentive to their signs and symptoms. If you observe the signs of cheating in your boyfriends or girlfriends through their real-life and social media actions, you might talk to them about the problems openly to devise a solution.


Can people with BPD love?

Yes. People with personality disorders can love their spouses genuinely. But if you are indulged in a relationship with a cheater with borderline personality, it is better to think of quitting the relationship.

What to do when someone with BPD pushes you away?

If your boyfriend or girlfriend has a borderline personality, at times, they may not be able to control their reactions and tend to push you away. However, during such times the other person should remain patient and not react adversely.

How do you know if someone with a borderline personality disorder is cheating?

They will indulge in intimacy with someone else and constantly push away their current partner. This abstinence may be through bad behavior or other means. In such cases, it is best to detach from them.

Author Sergius Gardner

Sergius Gardner

Author & Psychologist

People with a borderline personality disorder may have problems with their self-image and their sense of self-worth. It is a condition that is often misunderstood and it is not uncommon for people with a borderline personality disorder to be attributed a tendency to cheat in relationships.